Clicky

Should I marry my girlfriend who cheated on me?

Q: I was at a crossroads last night. I’m a gay man, I was the bottom and we didn’t use a condom. A month later my partner contracted it from me and had a herpes outbreak 2. I get them and so does my husband — about once a year apiece. Should I go ahead and marry her? In 2001, she had an online affair with an old male friend. People are on their best behavior when they are dating.

It was not something she did the night before you started going out, she made the decision (for whatever reason) after a year-and-a-half of a committed relationship and only AFTER you set a date. I’ve always been alarmed by the number of people who don’t talk about it, make assumptions about their partner’s outlook or think that marriage is a magical “happily ever after” that requires no work. I went to print an essay from my computer before I left the house to go to class for the day. If your girlfriend admitted to one affair, even if she claims it only happened once, I would be very skeptical of her answers and I certainly wouldn’t want to marry her (if I were you). males can be born having the virus. If she cheated on you while you were dating, it’s not going to get better. Whatever you do, do not close your eyes to all the signs.

If you want to end up on a cheesy television show with a paternity test and find out she’s one of those people who will accuse anyone, or the girls that bring on 15 guys because they are either so ignorant and/or promiscuous that they don’t keep track, cheating is one of those dealbreakers that should be a HUGE red flag of caution. It would cause me to question her credibility about anything. IF she has cheated its HER problem and you just walk away CLEAN OK? He says theres nothing to hide but everything i attempt to go through it he makes a huge deal to the point where I say forget it or anytime hes “asleep” and i grab it, he happens to wake up. A. My father left when I was 13, after not really being a solid figure. Konstantinos has 60+ answers in Dating and Relationships Why don’t you turn it around?

That, of course, would make me highly unemployable but I could probably still make a decent living writing online under an assumed identity. Worst case scenario, you have contracted the virus and passed it on to your boyfriend. If you have HSV-1 orally, you probably will not also get it in the genitals. I never, ever get cold sores. That’s the truth. Women want a man to turn to that will just plain and simple listen, sympathize, not judge, and offer solutions only when asked for an opinion. She claimed it was only the first time they hooked up, yet I know this wasn’t the case.

2 months before this final event I was infected with herpes by her. It was undoubtedly true that she had been sharing her genitals with someone else. And then, he called. I used my job as an excuse to stay away while I was being treated. The afternoon I caught her with him, I threw them both out of my place, returned her part of the security deposit for our apartment and moved myself away. I literally threw them both out that same evening. She was way inferior in comparison to whom I thought I was living with.

Forgiveness was irrelevant for me, I don’t think forgiveness can do anything to fix this situation. Especially at that time, I needed to get on with my life, especially my career. My self confidence tok a huge blow, of thermonuclear bomb – like proportions. A relationship is hard work and constantly evolves as life experiences happen. All in all, that journey of self destruction took me 5 years to recover from. I desperately needed to regain confidence on my future self when I would need to find my next partner. You, just as I, pre-self knowledge, have fallen upon a female with no compassion toward your self and your relationship together.

Facebook, Twitter, your unlocked cellphone while you’re in the shower, these all pose great problems to getting away with this. So rushing to the clinic is not the answer, but you absolutely must tell him so you can both stop having sex with the possibility of passing it to any partner. This is because either type, contracted orally or genitally, causes the body to produce antibodies, some of which are active against both HSV-1 and 2. Some people who get them, get them even less frequently than that; others, more frequently. Based on my own subjective life experience once we pass over that silver line, with cheating there is no turning back for most of us. I would be pragmatic and for me, that would mean getting out of the relationship. If not, then you both have to raise your standards considerably!

It’s up to the both of you to find out, depending on how much empathy you have on your future selves, how happy you want to be 10 or 15 years down the line. You’ll have to evaluate her overall character, decide whether you can live with this indiscretion and trust her again (especially if you have to travel without her) and determine whether you’re comfortable with marrying her. He said that it was only a curiosity, that he wasn’t gay, and that he loved me. As a married man, you’ll come to learn that a number of issues can occur over the course of a marriage which require forgiveness even if cheating isn’t involved. Unfortunately, your first lesson in this is prior to saying “I do” at the altar. Jaxx Dana, Former Pick up enthusiast with numerous casual and serious relations269 Views Did she convince you not to leave her? Did she cry?

Did she fight for you? Because if she didn’t, it usually can mean that she’s coming clean because she has doubts and wants you to leave her. Is she still saying sorry? Are you having sexual intercourse with this man? If I were you {and I was at some point} I would definitely decide to leave her as my first reaction, as I wouldn’t trust to stay with her and get cheated on again. However, and this is why I am answering and giving you a detailed answer, if she fights for you, if she convinces you that this will never ever happen again, if you are both really the love of your lives, then I would reconsider my decision. You need to be the interrogator here, you have to make the decision not her, use your mind and focus to understand what happened, and if it will happen again.